If Single Gay Ghosts Could Talk
I didn’t almost go bald for this career to be someone’s side piece.
I didn’t train to ideal specimen levels to be someone’s occasional afternoon cardio.
I didn’t transform myself to a full blown catch to be someone’s snack — I’m a whole damn buffet.
Gays in Toronto — correction, partnered Gays in big cities — you know what, ANY Gay man with oozing testosterone who find themselves at a crossroads in their long term relationship face the inevitable existential crisis of staying together and cheat, break up and start all over again OR open up the relationship.
Some relationships start open and some take years to face the facts: I love you, you’re my rock but I need to get my rocks off with someone else from time to time. They stay together because the uncoupling is too deeply rooted and too many other unsuspecting casualties to clean up along the way; it’s better to stay together to set an example of Loyalty. Some couples play together by remedying the fact that they haven’t had one-on-one sex with each other, but if their dicks are rubbing together during DP sessions, it almost counts as being intimate together right?! Everyone is happy. However that level of synchronized luck only happens to couples who look similar, almost like brothers, the stepford bearded Adonises that is high on the superficial totem pole. Couples at the opposite ends of the visual spectrum end up searching for a unicorn — the all-inclusive, equal opportunity, culture fiend who’s also interested in intelect than just basic primordial attraction.
Couples have an understanding and agreements in place to help sustain a realistic and pragmatic partnership. The transparency that monogamists would consider cheating in plain sight. Because let’s face it, it’s impossible to get EVERYTHING from one person.
These partnered men love to go on these hookup apps looking to “play”. Some are forthright with their stats but some remain a mystery. Sadly, they’re still worth chatting with because, well, they have a hot torso and surprise, surprise! The big reveal: A pretty face to go with it. Most annoyingly of all, they write complete sentences that articulate how they want to pillage you — making any lit major cream. It’s like dangling a sexy carrot and I’m a horny rabbit. Next thing you know you’re sucked into their orbit. Turning a random hookup into a friendship?! Inviting you to events because their husbands aren’t available so you end up being their date. The fresh recruit being paraded around town, because they can and you let them. You eventually meet their friends and have this awkward exchange with their inquisitive and sassy Judy with zero filter;“Nice to meet you, so are you Mr. December?” Because November crashed and burned like a sad toy plane. Meanwhile the recruiter is the only one cool as a cucumber, proud to be bagging hotties left, right and centre. And the single guy, however tall his protective walls are, is left feeling bamboozled.
The established rules doesn’t necessarily apply to the single guy. Because they’re humans with feelings who run the risk of crushing hard and falling to their demise. Because these guys will not leave their partners for you. The single guy, the mistress, the lover, the one who just wants to be loved but somehow always ends up hooking up with guys who are already taken. Maybe it’s their untouchable allure, the zero desperation vibe. They’ve been out of the game for so long, you can smell their freshness like pine needles. After all, aren’t we all just cruising the wild? But only as prey under our own kinky circumstance.
It seems like everyone is taken. It’s like musical chairs and there are no seats left. We’ve been standing forever and no one is stupid enough to give up their seat. We wander the streets both virtual and real, hoping our forever worthy arm will one day be pulled away from this ghost town.
